once again. a long time not posting my blog for some time.

there's only one reason i stopped posting blog.

army.

i do not wish to reveal why, but just won't feel like saying.

i just start to feel more and more inferior. when talking. and having my actions done.

this. isn't a good feeling.

the only time i get to relax is when i can be alone or do things without worries. meaning when i am not doing anything while not being in camp.

i decided not to talk about the time when i am in camp. but just that i feel that i am getting more and more. feeling worst inside.

i do not know how to tell this to anyone. i got enough of the feeling of whining my thoughts to others when they only will say things that i am this i am that and i am always giving myself the trouble and the excuses to myself.

but wait. there's a lot of reasons that no one would understand what i am going through. speaking out doesn't solve anything nor does it make myself feel better as i might get insulted and get myself feeling even worse. i hate that feeling. i can't think well when i am faced with facts like this when i have totally no option or choice in my hands.

i hate what i am going through now. but time is the only solution to many things.

i hope i can get over everything soon before i break down once more.

i've had another near panic attack situation for me.

i plainly stopped myself from getting it.

but i don't think i can hold it back any longer.

i hate the feeling of being suppressed and being unable to do what i love to do.

i wonder am i a failed being or a failure in life that i am like this.

let myself pray i do get better.

time is the only thing i will get to have things solved.

♥Ran ♠Miki ♣Su ♦Dia @ 9:36 PM