haiz.. not in a gd mood any more..

down down down.. ytd in camp i suddenly down.. b4 meeting dear dear my mood super sad.. cried suddenly when in bus.. just like the panic mood.. i felt nothing at the instance.. emptiness inside.. lost.. like the whole world is moving on without my knowledge of it turning..

like im a lost soul walking on land just because im supposed to be there and knowing im supposed to be there..

my mood aint something that i can control at all.. which this is.. a problem..

its not normal for me these days.. i know it on my own.. i have a serious thinking problem..
at normal times im feeling normal.. but randomly i'll feel bad.. either super sad or if nt is nothing much..

in the end im just trying hard to get along and feel my way through..

dear dear.. i need to say this.. i am having a real hard time to get proper rest.. rmb i said nights with marathon nightmares?
waking up with racing heartbeat?
having a lot of thoughts at the moment b4 i wake up thou im nt sure why im supposed to be thinking at all??

its draining my concentration.. my energy to feel. its weaker.. and im feeling pains as usual all the while.. my pains haven go away.. my mood nv really turn into a very gd one. just that its nt worsening like it was in camp..

and the change of environment.. im still trying to adapt to it by treating everything with a smile and accepting the things as they come.. anyone can say im expecting too much or say im childish to think of things that are not meaningful or useless or what but i can say sometimes its really way out of my control.

the way i treat people.. is the way i hope people will treat me.. if im unhappy about something.. i would nv try to make others feel bad same way either..

and people around me.. i too have something to say..

i have a thought that is..
things don't really change much.. the values and meanings of things.. is from the way we get to decide how much worth they are..

so in other words.. some things don't really change unless they are damaged or they are different totally on the outside..
sometimes its just from our perspective of view might have changed..

just like some people likes animals.. but as time passes.. they might have forgotten that.. they still wanna be playing with their masters like in the past just that the owners have thought of excuses of like the dog is too weak or too tired.. or rather.. the owner is simply to bored of many things..

moral of story.. don't look at things from the outside.. maybe its from our point of view that has changed.. sometimes when your're upset about something.. try thinking.. is there any point that might have been my own problem that i actually find unhappiness from the thing im looking at?

♥Ran ♠Miki ♣Su ♦Dia @ 10:36 PM