today is a bad day..

last night while i was slping.. i was so fucked by some duno wtf nightmare with some kids with deformed bodies and one that i rmb-ed so clearly is like some kid of like 1 yr old and the head is like super big around 1.25 bigger than normal babies den nvm.. the top half of the head area is deformed till its flat on top and trying to climbs stairs and it fell off from the top..

and in the morning.. my dear girl wasn't feeling well.... told me she goin to take mc and rest more..

i supposed that she hoped i will take a rest at home since im nt feeling perfectly okay too.. but somehow it wasn't read like tt and i went to camp for work as usual.. and that is enough to make me feel bad whole day.. especially when she told me she is in bad mood.. and tell me things to make me feel no where better and somewhat i feel worse.. for the whole day..

everything i do doesn't seem to feel right.. i can't do things with this kind of attitude.. this super emo-ed attitude.. *practically everything in r/s makes me feels damn bad when its not in proper track at all.. * can say im a super stupid idiot that duno how to think well when im in a r/s.

finally off work hours.. i tried as fast as possible.. i tried to climb stairs quickly.. tried to run from mrt to home.. tried to run and get some sushi for her.. cuz she having some hunger.. i hope she will take something light b4 she has her meals cuz of i suppose she will haf gastric by the time she gets some proper lunch and if its empty it will make her stomach feeling worse.. i hope she understands how i feel and for what are the things i do..

and.. some ppl that told me that how much i miss someone doesn't seem to face with the actions i have.. i suppose.. to miss someone is not like that bah.. maybe to me my loving someone is nt that kind of missing.. maybe im nt supposed to be a gd lover.. i can't support full abt of love.. cuz my actions to seem to meet with my words..

i seriously miss her.. i am like practically can't think well when im nt with her and she is doing something or is in trouble and i would seriously hope im there to help her out as long as she is willing to allow me to.. im nt someone who says i miss her and will be able to pop to her side all the time.. its a bit.. tiring.. be fair and be serious.. there's so much things in this world almost all the things that u want to do and yet there are all sorts of reasons to make them unable to do too..

apparently.. i need to stand in other's shoes and others needs to stand in my shoes too..

i suppose im immature?? or am i.. not gd?? i need an answer somehow.. i hope my dear understands..

this is nt supposed to be a problem.. lets nt make it a problem.. my dear dear is supposed to be happy with me.. unless.. being able to miss someone and nt being able to meet ALL TIMES is a problem.. i think there's no man in this world that is able to do it.. especially man of this era.. especially those in army too..

*i hope u know.. i din mean anything to make u feel unhappy at all.. i need you to be happy for my happiness. you are the source of my only reason to be happy, for without know, there's no space for this word happiness in my vocabulary*

♥Ran ♠Miki ♣Su ♦Dia @ 9:11 PM