"Avril's Asset here!!"

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

today wasn't that much fun.

today in sch. had a boring day as usual. but she having O's i kept on thinking even from the moment i woke up. shud i sms her gd luck to her exams anot. haiz in the end im stuck.

i can't face it the way how i am supposed to talk to her at all. haiz i still like her i scared she treat me as nice again. den i scared i duno how to reply her. end up i did nt sms her at all haiz =(

feeling both sad and confused yet continuing my boring life today. =( haiz

hope i can just do things i want bah.

♥Ran ♠Miki ♣Su ♦Dia @ 1:14 AM

Friday, October 26, 2007

the path i chose

i thought it out again liao. 3 years den i made one more decision. everything i change in life is all about her man. it sux.

it has always been one sided. for me. it sux.
nvm. i shall just disappear from her life. from now on.. i will grow and change.

i shall change for myself.. nt for her. but for me. i wanna be a better guy. to change and learn how to upgrade myself more. where when i write in my resume or my testimonial. it would be superb to read on.

so sayonara.. i duno will i ever update this blog again. that is if there is ppl who asks me to update it bah.

♥Ran ♠Miki ♣Su ♦Dia @ 5:34 PM

Thursday, October 25, 2007

a new chapter begins

today i somehow did a mistake and i was confronted against it cuz of her. once again i did something that hurt people unknowingly. it sux. okay. but i seriously dun mean to hurt ppl that i care for.

and i tried to face it the fact i shall nt sing outside in the public anymore nor am i supposed to give much comments unless people need me to sae something.

i wanna be a better person so that someday she'll see that gd point in me bah..

i wanna do many things.. not only those impt to me. and also those that are impt to people around me..

haiz. i dun like to do things stupidly. and always ask for perfection yet i seek..

i feel that i can't say anything that much about liking her at all liao.. haiz.. anymore i say will make things worse oni. >.<

haiz. i still think of her stupidly. why why why..

i got myself a part time work liao. gonna b more bz liao.. haiz. can't stop thinking of her.

thinking of learning how to drink alcohol liao. lol. =/

nitez. im goin off liao..

a red sky before me as i raise my head. tml shall b another sunny day!

♥Ran ♠Miki ♣Su ♦Dia @ 1:30 AM

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

a passing dark cloud

times passed. i learnt to let go in a few days time. lols.. i believe i still have her in my heart. yet i am reminding myself times and again that i shud nt think of her as nth will happen no matter how hard i think of her.

everything between me and her went back to a square. where nth happened nor occurred. seems so boring. yet i think is another beginning bah.. =(

its late ler. nitez.. haha =x

♥Ran ♠Miki ♣Su ♦Dia @ 1:48 AM

Sunday, October 21, 2007

frozen again

i am feeling pain where i don't know how to continue. i never liked falling in love. being in love has never brought me happiness. im just sinking every time im in one.

my tears drop down thou i dun look like im crying. it hurts so so so damn much.

even my bones in me hurts. nt only my heart. haiz.

im frozen in between time again. i duno how to move on. like 3 years back. i nv grow up at all in my ways of facing my feelings. so sad. why couldn't i grow over time?
i need a hug. a warmth. a smile. and what else. i've never been hugged. since. i am 3 i think? i never felt the warmth of it. never felt the happiness of relying someone.

when will i ever be relying on that someone.

if there really could be one. i can only say. i need a reason, a cause, a motivation to move on 1st.

she can't treat me as a bf. i can't force myself on her. i can't change her decision. im just a best friend type of guy. i duno how to make girls that i like happy. im just some what a failure. haiz.

save me from what i am right now. i need. to end this feeling. it sux.

silence in me has already been static in my heart.
i always wonder if love is an art.

where people fall and sink in deeply.
and i always feel it so painfully.

i need to get over it. i will get over it. たぶん(tabun)

♥Ran ♠Miki ♣Su ♦Dia @ 2:28 PM

Saturday, October 20, 2007

its over.

i nv knew she actually thinks that we are NEVER MEANT FOR EACH OTHER. she thinks i dun understand her. and actually makes her unhappy when im with her. and thinks i nv thinks for her.

im just waking up from this stupid delusions of mine.

i shall nt find her from now on liao bah. why i do bother to go find her when she needs me or when she don't need me at all. why am i like that. it sucks.

i find this very very stupid. haiz. bless me my friends. i need to grow over it. =(

♥Ran ♠Miki ♣Su ♦Dia @ 11:24 AM

Friday, October 19, 2007

learning to take things easy.

haiz. she was sms-ing me halfway today and den she juz went missing and nv reply me =(

haiz sian+sad >.<

nt much of a day today. simply too tired and slpt a lot today.

and kept phone beside me yet she nv sms me at all =(

haiz wad a boring day. mayb latr will blog again. but nt now. nth to write. just a bit down for today.

♥Ran ♠Miki ♣Su ♦Dia @ 8:51 PM

another day of simplicity

eh. wad a day. i was somehow jealous of it when her time is so occupied by something else and nt replying me. lol =/

and today she asked me over. i was still veri reluctant at 1st.. cuz i thinking of whether is she thinking of me anot.. haiz i still am bothered that is she thinking or treating me as a normal friend or more than that.. but when i nv look at her i feel so down.. >.< haha ="x">.< just plain happiness. haha =x

tml den i'll blog again le ahaha =x

♥Ran ♠Miki ♣Su ♦Dia @ 12:14 AM

Thursday, October 18, 2007

haiz. hanging on for the moment

haiz i can't face it that she dun like me at all. no love no feelings just a friend. why can't i get the idea and just give her up and find another girl like any other guy friends of mine? why am i so stubborn in loving one girl all the while? why am i such a foolish man that don't know what is giving up at the correct moment?

lets talk abt that day what i did..

i brought the cake to her hse at 11.30++ i nt sure when and when i brought it in. she is like so surprised. and i nv told her anything.. and i prepared a present for her but nv took it out.. and at 12 i we blew the candles for her..

lights were out and i took out the present after i acted like i went toilet. i actually took out the present and made it look veri nice.. when she blew her candles and made her wish. she open her eyes and the present is in front of her.

she is even more surprised that ever.. what i wanted to do is something she will b veri happy after being so sad for a long time. its a necklace she once sae is nice when we were window shopping. and i bet she nv expect i would do something like that. and indeed. she nv thought i would be this "thoughtful"

and she told me. she is so touched. but if its someone else. anyone else did wad i did. she would seriously fall in love with that special someone. but when it comes to me. she told me. im just too much of a friend already. if to make her behave and treat me like a bf. she would b so out of thought and can laugh just thinking at it.

at that point. the cracking in my heart was heard once again. and my head bend down pushing against my pillow once again.

in her thinking. im just a guy whom she gets easily irritated just being with and she can't expect any form of happiness being with me.

i feel so much like a failure no one could ever thought of. there are many girls out there. why am i such an idiot to only think of her? haiz. even i dun understand what i am thinking..

i always ask myself. why i can't i nt treat her this well? yet my behavior still treats her very well.. better than anyone else. yet she can't see nor understand.

one more thing she told me about is that. she can't treat me as a bf cuz i have nv revealed my feelings. the way i keep on finding her is that i look for her mother 1st. den wait till she gets back home den i'll get to talk to her more. thats something i always did and that was the reason.

just to take a look at her and know how she is actually doing. and i didn't kno i was trying to get satisfied with such a simple thing.

thinking back. im just tearing as i type the painful words off the monitor.

here i thought of a poem.

that wind that embraces u..
u love that wind.
but like the way it embraces u..
u can never be with the wind.
as it breathes through each and every part of you.
it goes away from you when u least notice it.

im just like the wind that brings u comfort and yet u only know that u wont take it too hard even thou im nt there for u.

♥Ran ♠Miki ♣Su ♦Dia @ 3:34 PM

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

the crashing down

its so damn saddening to know that she treats me just as a friend. haiz.im just a friend for too long already. i think i damn stupid in relationships.

very sad.. she tell me she is veri touched ytd. but yet what i did is already just a friend to her. if its someone she didn't kno she would have been thinking of that guy right now. but it is me. and she feels nothing special. haiz. im just so broken now. its the only feeling i can have. i am supposed to go to sch. and yet i dont have the mood to and the ability of studying.

♥Ran ♠Miki ♣Su ♦Dia @ 9:06 AM

Monday, October 15, 2007

my birthday =D

hmmm... i think i had a veri boring bdae this year. =/

i bought myself a cake to celebrate over at her hse. o.o

i bet no one did that ever haha im the 1st one to b that lame

and right now im thinking of her still and i prepared an ice cream cake + present for her too.. omg lol i dun spent things on myself yet on her so much liao hahaha =x

the cake i bought is like 7 princesses of disney. to mean that shes the princess in my heart thats why =D

and im sure she will like the ice cream !! =D wishing to see her smile since i came back home thou its my own bdae im nt thinking of myself at all!! =S

cyazs. blogging tml i think haha =x

♥Ran ♠Miki ♣Su ♦Dia @ 11:05 PM

Sunday, October 07, 2007

hmm.

i thinking of how to express myself. i keep on trying hard. and i think i duno what to do to make things clear. i feel like making things clear with her and myself. but im wondering. how far will it bring? and how bad will it become. the most important outcome. hmm.. i wish i could get an answer.

♥Ran ♠Miki ♣Su ♦Dia @ 12:14 AM

Friday, October 05, 2007

haiz

today is rather boring. woke up slp play game slp wake play game... and.. hmmm.. i reply ppl veri slowly meh... >.< haiz.

cuz i take a little longer when i think of how to reply ppl ma. i am scared of irritating or pissing people off.. esp when i reply to.. >.< =(

haiz. i am like tt lor. i am veri worried of getting u angry. i rather keep ur smile on ur face. u look nicer when smiling. or even blushing. but nt angry or sad.

ahhh.. wad a time of day... hopin for a better tml.

♥Ran ♠Miki ♣Su ♦Dia @ 11:50 PM

waitin for the day

here i am. waitin for the day to come where i can finally get to hold her hands once more. but im still waiting waiting waiting..

today i went out wif her when she wanted to study together. end up she no mood to study and she is like reading some other sci-fi books and got addicted to it, and me reading some chinese novels about how people shud cherish what they have and they are and should cherish the people around them i think this is a veri nice novel which people of different ages should take a look at. i love stories of how people should behave.

hmmm.. she is stil having a kiddy attitude. haiz. but i still like her >.<

simply feels that she is veri 'herself' and nt acting up like a doll unlike other girls which i see.. haiz. haiz. haiz. i am waitin for the day when she tells me she likes me too. >.< hope that day comes bah haha =X

♥Ran ♠Miki ♣Su ♦Dia @ 12:18 AM